The past week was pretty amazing. We had the swearing in of our nation's First Black President, and we like it so much we swore him again the next day; we had the going away party of one of the most disliked Presidents and people in the world (that must really sucked to be so well hated by so many different people, I mean I know they say what others think shouldn't matter but damn); and I was taught something. For anyone that knows me, they know that my motor is always running (unless I'm having one of my days and then I could sleep the entire thing away), I have a habit of always wanting to take care of someone. I like for people to feel relaxed and comfortable, so I make it my business to make sure that people are relaxed and calm around me. Whatever they need to feel safe, secure and be entertained, well I'm going to provide all of that. So much so that I'll forget to sometimes enjoy myself in the process. It wouldn't be such a bad thing if this wasn't ALL the time and with EVERYTHING, I mean so extreme to the point it possibly becomes annoying. However, last weekend, the tables were turned on me and I was MADE to relax.
My leading lady once told me, "you're always doing something for someone, taking care of someone yet you never do anything for yourself nor do you let anyone do anything for you. And you're more than deserving." That may not be a direct quote, however it sounds right. And that's what I was told right before I was told to get the hell out of her kitchen and go sit my ass down somewhere. *insert side eyed look here*. Ok, so I'm not one for just letting people talk to me any ole kind of way, but she had a knife in her hand, so I let her have that one. Ok, back to what I was saying, I have a hard time relaxing...it's almost impossible for me to just sit back and chill. I don't know if it's because of my mind, which is always thinking or contemplating about something, restlessness or what have you, but sitting back and putting my feet up makes me feel, almost inadequate. Especially around women, I never want to give the impression that I'm just waiting for a woman to take care of me or wait on me hand and foot. It's only been recently that I've realized that there are women in the world that actually like doing things for men. Maybe I came up knowing the wrong type of woman...but "relaxing" is not something I've been used to.
Like many people (I refuse to believe I'm the only one) I have this mentality that I always have to prove myself. Prove that I'm not a "baby" in spite of what my age may suggest, prove that I'm not one of those stereotypical lazy black males, prove that I know how to take care of and satisfy a woman. There's always something to prove or someone to show something to, so I've never had a chance to just relax and enjoy. Thank you. I can now sit back and not feel back of relaxing and baskingggggggggggg in the joy of letting someone else do something for a change. That's not to say I'm going to turn into a lazy bum...but I'm going to allow myself to enjoy a little more. We all should...the world can be a beautiful place if we allow ourselves to stand back and take in its beauty.
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