The Single Black Woman In America

    One of the media's favorite subjects to tackle is why the Black woman seemingly can't find a man. Let them tell it, Black women all across America sit in their homes on Friday and Saturday nights twiddling their thumbs in hopes that they'd be one of the lucky ones to get called up for a date. The media would have you believe that the Black woman may be intelligent, may be successful, may have things going for themselves that no other group can lay claim to; however, in their quest to find a man, they are failures. The media would have you believe that it's the Black woman's fault she's single, she's the one ultimately responsible for her lack of companionship and if she doesn't change who she is and lower her standards she'll never find a man. Well, it's time that the Black woman and everyone else stop listening to the media; it's time we tell the other side of the story, ladies pull up a chair and let's really get into this, shall we?

    I know people are going to look at this and raise their eyebrows at the fact that a man is writing this, some may even stop reading (and that's their prerogative) however as a black man, I tire of seeing the Black woman thrown under the bus; too often by other black men. Standing by and continuing to allow my sisters to take the blame for something that is not entirely their fault would be criminal on my part. I won't say that Black women shouldn't take some blame and maybe do some things a little differently, but to completely place sole blame for their lack of suitable partners on them is unfair. I say suitable because just because you have a warm body doesn't mean you are relationship material or relationship ready. A relationship is more than just putting two warm bodies together, there's a certain maturity level that one has to have as well as a high level of respect for themselves and the opinions of their mate. I can guarantee that you will not always get your way or get your partner to see where you are coming from, this is where compromise comes in handy, too many adults (men and women alike) do not know how to compromise for the betterment of their relationships; which is why I believe so many of them fail. There's no entitlement when it comes to relationships (this is where I place a little bit of blame on Black women), no matter what you bring to the relationship, your success, possessions, IQ, gross income or anything else that makes you consider yourself successful; you're no more important than your partner nor are you entitled to anything more than they are..

    Now, the media and society has over 100 reasons why the Black woman is single. She's too bossy, she's too picky, she's too negative, she's too fat, etc. I'm going to break down each one of those "reasons" for the single Black woman and remind you people of a few things. Let's go!

    The Black woman is bossy for a reason. Since we've come to this great land, the Black woman has had to step up and be more than she should have to be. How many Black matriarchs have had to keep their family together with no or minimal assistance from the partner that helped bring their family into the world? Yes, I know, the Black man was stripped from his home, we were separated and we needed the Black woman to stand strong for us, take care of our babies and keep our families going. I don't know about the rest of you but I think they have done an outstanding job. When was the last time you thanked a Black woman for all that she does without being asked? She gets tired, she gets weary, she gets worn down, but rather than uplift her, the first thing we cry is, "it wasn't our fault, what did you want me to do?" How many times have you walked past a black woman that may have been having a bad day or just looked like they are worn down to the bone and tried to lift her spirits? It's amazing how far a, "How you doing sister? Keep your head up…" can go when delivered with respect and courtesy.

    I laugh anytime I hear someone say a Black woman is too picky. Should she not have standards? Should she not want someone that she finds attractive? That has the same interests as her? That respects her? Someone who's willing to not only go out of his way for her but make a fuss over every once in a while? Black women have the right to feel wanted and desired the same as anyone else, she has a right to want someone that has goals and ambition; no man wants a woman that he feels isn't good enough for him so why should the Black woman accept less just to please others? If you won't accept less, why should anyone she?

    The Black woman is too negative for your liking. How would you feel if you were the world's punching bag? Before she gets out of bed, the morning talk radio, the urban morning shows or someone close to them has probably done something to take another shot at her pride, her self-esteem or just her overall well being. It's kind of hard to keep a positive attitude when there's article after article telling you how you'll never get married, yet you are the number one single parent in the world; you'll never find love but your group is the leader in all new HIV/AIDS cases in this country. That's got to be a hell of a day ahead of you, huh? Every day the Black woman is reminded about how her life will never be that of her White, Hispanic or Asian peers, she's in a class all by herself.

    My favorite complaint about black women is how overweight they are. Let some men tell it, there's nothing worse than a fat Black woman, especially one that has "potential" to be cute. My answer to this is for people to look around. What country do we live in? The majority of AMERICANS are fat. The majority of adults and children in this country are in some way overweight, yet the Black woman gets beat down for having a few extra pounds? The Black woman is beautiful and that's at any size. She's imitated and duplicated like no other, so much so that many have gone out to purchase the curves that seemingly come so natural for her. There's no denying that other races try to make themselves look more "ethnic" to mimic the beauty that is the Black woman. Even when she's heavier, there's no stopping her shine. Oh, and last I checked, smaller women weren't keeping men at any higher a rate than heavier women.

    The plight of the Black woman is not solely her fault. A lack of eligible, relationship ready and worthy men are also to blame. Not just black men but all men. Too often men overlook the mate in which they seek because she may not be what society considers "attractive enough" or "exotic enough" however, the Black woman's beauty goes deeper than her looks. Black women are strong because they have to be, they are beat down on a daily basis and far too many black men are willing to step up and protect that from which we came. We have to be more than just our brother's keeper; our sisters need that same type of love and respect. We have to stop letting them fight this battle alone.

No This N-Word Didn’t

That was the collective thought process for a few radical right wingers today as President Barack Obama did something that none of the Presidents of the past 40 years have been able to do, move the United States a few steps closer to Universal Healthcare. With the passing of his Healthcare agenda, President Obama was able to check off the number one item on his domestic agenda, angering his dissenters and filling his supporters with pride. He campaigned on this issue and made it known that it was his priority to get Healthcare legislation through Congress and on March 23, 2010, Healthcare Reform was signed into law.

Over the past year, the country has been divided over the issue of Healthcare reform. The debate spilled out of the chambers of Congress and onto the streets and pitted Democrat v. Republican, Mother v. Daughter, Father v. Son, Husband v. Wife; from Town Hall Meetings, to demonstrations to talk radio, this has been a hot button topic that has boiled the blood of America. If nothing else, President Obama deserves credit for stirring the passions of this country once again; for years we were complacent and slept through a lot of what has us in the economic conditions that we now face, however in the short time that President Obama has been in office, almost everything he's done has sparked debate amongst the people. Whether people were for or against this legislation, they were insistent upon making sure their voices were heard, some doing so much more loudly than others. There have been arguments and debates over whether this piece of legislation is going to help us in the long run, whether or not this just sets us up for future Government run "everything" or whether or not this legislation is even constitutional.

Now that I've given you the background, allow me to interject some opinionated value into this blog. Personally, I don't mind paying higher taxes for a program that I deem worthwhile. There's a bunch of programs that get funded that I don't necessarily agree with, however I know that my tax dollars goes to fund many of those programs. This isn't a perfect bill. As long as we are all individuals, there will never be a perfect bill. However, Healthcare reform is something that's long overdue, not only is it long overdue but it's necessary. One of the biggest complaints I've heard over the course of the past years has been in regards to the costs. That was the number one objection for many Republican Congressmen and women. It was then echoed by the Republican Senate. However, let's all be honest with ourselves, this is the United States of America, we can find something to spend that money on. The money was going to get spent regardless. We are spending hundreds of billions of dollars a month on two wars that we seemingly can't get out of, yet we can't spend that money and invest it in the health of our nation? I have no qualms if you have some issues with the bill, but the lack of respect shown to not only our President, but many other elected officials, especially considering the fact that NO ONE in Washington is perfect (there are a few Republican skeletons hanging in that closet, let's not have to open those doors) is what bothers me the most. Elected officials yelling and screaming at each other, being downright childish in their antics is NOT why I go to the polls and vote. If you're going to act like children then you shall be treated like children, come November, you can do that on your own time, not on my dollar. When you are a part of the minority, you don't get to do things YOUR way; you must compromise and make sure some of your ideas are included in the grand scheme of things. If you are in charge, you don't just do things the way you want them because no one can stop you, you listen to the input of others and you govern accordingly. If there's a stalemate, well the party in power gets to go with their ideas first. Republicans, you held the House and the Senate in power for a long time. What did you do with it while you had it? Or need you be reminded of the decisions you made? This country didn't just get a deficit, we didn't just get a weakened economy and housing market and these problems that we are facing didn't just occur yesterday, last month, last year or even the year before that. I say all of that to say this; like it or not, Barack Obama is the President of the United States. Like his policies or not, that's your prerogative, however, don't be upset just because he is doing his job and show some respect when disagreeing with that man…you may not like him, but you need to respect him, and the office.

Glass Houses, Stone Furniture

I told myself that I wasn’t going to touch the Tiger Woods issue. To be honest, it’s not an issue to me. Tiger Woods is a great golfer, the best at what he does. From what I’ve observed, he seems like a cool dude, not the best “player” in the world, but the game has been known to swallow a shark or two, so why were we expecting anything more from a Tiger? This thread isn’t about Tiger’s infidelities, personally, that’s between him and his wife. I’m not going to condemn the man because he got caught doing what too many men AND women are out here doing; to me, that’s out of bounds. What actually intrigues me the most about this entire fiasco (and yes it has become a fiasco) is the fact that so many people that have no type of relationship or association to Tiger Woods feels as if he owes them some type of apology; some type of statement. In the words of my man Jay-Z, “I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA PEOPLE??”

Anytime a celebrity or public figure makes a mistake, people turn into vultures and look to pick the story apart until there’s nothing left. Aside from elected officials (and sometimes even they deserve some privacy) these celebrities don’t ask to be idolized. It is us that lose focus of the fact that they are human, we place them on these pedestals and hold them to impossible standards; yet we’re disappointed when they prove that they were undeserving of such lofty expectations? I mean, some people would find fault with Jesus, so why are we surprised when MAN falls short of our expectations? Athletes mess up, actors and entertainers mess up, our parents mess up, our spouses and significant others mess up, our children mess up, our politicians, bosses, colleagues and friends all mess up; it’s human for us to fall short sometimes. Too often we’re worried about the screw up rather than the lesson learned from the screw up, which in the end is more important. It’s not about how many times you fall; it’s about how you get back up.

Tiger Woods doesn’t owe us an explanation. He didn’t cheat on us, he owes us nothing but to return to get himself healthy and become a better citizen, friend and neighbor. That’s all you can ask of a person and until their actions start affecting you directly, simmer down and remember that they are only human; same as you.