The Single Black Woman In America

    One of the media's favorite subjects to tackle is why the Black woman seemingly can't find a man. Let them tell it, Black women all across America sit in their homes on Friday and Saturday nights twiddling their thumbs in hopes that they'd be one of the lucky ones to get called up for a date. The media would have you believe that the Black woman may be intelligent, may be successful, may have things going for themselves that no other group can lay claim to; however, in their quest to find a man, they are failures. The media would have you believe that it's the Black woman's fault she's single, she's the one ultimately responsible for her lack of companionship and if she doesn't change who she is and lower her standards she'll never find a man. Well, it's time that the Black woman and everyone else stop listening to the media; it's time we tell the other side of the story, ladies pull up a chair and let's really get into this, shall we?

    I know people are going to look at this and raise their eyebrows at the fact that a man is writing this, some may even stop reading (and that's their prerogative) however as a black man, I tire of seeing the Black woman thrown under the bus; too often by other black men. Standing by and continuing to allow my sisters to take the blame for something that is not entirely their fault would be criminal on my part. I won't say that Black women shouldn't take some blame and maybe do some things a little differently, but to completely place sole blame for their lack of suitable partners on them is unfair. I say suitable because just because you have a warm body doesn't mean you are relationship material or relationship ready. A relationship is more than just putting two warm bodies together, there's a certain maturity level that one has to have as well as a high level of respect for themselves and the opinions of their mate. I can guarantee that you will not always get your way or get your partner to see where you are coming from, this is where compromise comes in handy, too many adults (men and women alike) do not know how to compromise for the betterment of their relationships; which is why I believe so many of them fail. There's no entitlement when it comes to relationships (this is where I place a little bit of blame on Black women), no matter what you bring to the relationship, your success, possessions, IQ, gross income or anything else that makes you consider yourself successful; you're no more important than your partner nor are you entitled to anything more than they are..

    Now, the media and society has over 100 reasons why the Black woman is single. She's too bossy, she's too picky, she's too negative, she's too fat, etc. I'm going to break down each one of those "reasons" for the single Black woman and remind you people of a few things. Let's go!

    The Black woman is bossy for a reason. Since we've come to this great land, the Black woman has had to step up and be more than she should have to be. How many Black matriarchs have had to keep their family together with no or minimal assistance from the partner that helped bring their family into the world? Yes, I know, the Black man was stripped from his home, we were separated and we needed the Black woman to stand strong for us, take care of our babies and keep our families going. I don't know about the rest of you but I think they have done an outstanding job. When was the last time you thanked a Black woman for all that she does without being asked? She gets tired, she gets weary, she gets worn down, but rather than uplift her, the first thing we cry is, "it wasn't our fault, what did you want me to do?" How many times have you walked past a black woman that may have been having a bad day or just looked like they are worn down to the bone and tried to lift her spirits? It's amazing how far a, "How you doing sister? Keep your head up…" can go when delivered with respect and courtesy.

    I laugh anytime I hear someone say a Black woman is too picky. Should she not have standards? Should she not want someone that she finds attractive? That has the same interests as her? That respects her? Someone who's willing to not only go out of his way for her but make a fuss over every once in a while? Black women have the right to feel wanted and desired the same as anyone else, she has a right to want someone that has goals and ambition; no man wants a woman that he feels isn't good enough for him so why should the Black woman accept less just to please others? If you won't accept less, why should anyone she?

    The Black woman is too negative for your liking. How would you feel if you were the world's punching bag? Before she gets out of bed, the morning talk radio, the urban morning shows or someone close to them has probably done something to take another shot at her pride, her self-esteem or just her overall well being. It's kind of hard to keep a positive attitude when there's article after article telling you how you'll never get married, yet you are the number one single parent in the world; you'll never find love but your group is the leader in all new HIV/AIDS cases in this country. That's got to be a hell of a day ahead of you, huh? Every day the Black woman is reminded about how her life will never be that of her White, Hispanic or Asian peers, she's in a class all by herself.

    My favorite complaint about black women is how overweight they are. Let some men tell it, there's nothing worse than a fat Black woman, especially one that has "potential" to be cute. My answer to this is for people to look around. What country do we live in? The majority of AMERICANS are fat. The majority of adults and children in this country are in some way overweight, yet the Black woman gets beat down for having a few extra pounds? The Black woman is beautiful and that's at any size. She's imitated and duplicated like no other, so much so that many have gone out to purchase the curves that seemingly come so natural for her. There's no denying that other races try to make themselves look more "ethnic" to mimic the beauty that is the Black woman. Even when she's heavier, there's no stopping her shine. Oh, and last I checked, smaller women weren't keeping men at any higher a rate than heavier women.

    The plight of the Black woman is not solely her fault. A lack of eligible, relationship ready and worthy men are also to blame. Not just black men but all men. Too often men overlook the mate in which they seek because she may not be what society considers "attractive enough" or "exotic enough" however, the Black woman's beauty goes deeper than her looks. Black women are strong because they have to be, they are beat down on a daily basis and far too many black men are willing to step up and protect that from which we came. We have to be more than just our brother's keeper; our sisters need that same type of love and respect. We have to stop letting them fight this battle alone.