Moment of Weakness

"Sometimes, there's no sense in sitting there just boiling, every now and then you've got to spill over the sides and release some steam..." ~ Darren K. Chester

Some people would call me vain for quoting myself, um, so what, I don't care. Sometimes, if you LISTEN to yourself, you'll give yourself better advice than anyone else ever could. So often, we are quick to advise others on the ins and outs of life when we could benefit from listening to a story or two as well. So, go ahead, in 2009, quote yourself, it'll add clarity to your life and it'll also add validity to your words.

OK, now that the speech is over, I owe myself an apology. Well, I owe two people an apology. I'm going to start with myself, then also give an apology to my co-conspirator. There comes a time in every one of our lives where if allowed, the daily stress of life will attempt to do a number on you. I mean, not only affect your everyday way of life but also your health, work, school, family, friends, just anything it can get its hands on. Stress is like the scrub that rides on the passenger side of his best friend's ride. A force that doesn't have to be there and rather than just sitting and being quiet, they want to roll down the window and shout out some ignant ass shit. I can't be the only person that this has happened to. Sometimes, you get so unraveled by things that normally wouldn't or shouldn't phase you that you step out of the person you are and into a body that looks nothing like you. I think Martin Lawrence said it best, "No one is immune to the trials and tribulations of life." When you read that sentence, it can mean anything to anybody, however it all boils down to the same thing...we're all human and sometimes, we go through shit. It's through going through shit that we are defined as people and that's what separates us from not only animals but each other as well. A person shouldn't be judged by what they go through, they should be judged by how they respond to what they go through. MESSAGE!!

My second apology goes to *her* in being honest with one's self, one must be open and honest with others. If help is needed, it should be sought out and asked for. A man is measured, not by how many solo missions he accomplishes, but by how many times he realizes he needs assistance and seeks it. OK, I don't really know if that's what a man is measured by, but it sounded good when I thought of it. Lol. My point is, one should never feel like what they do or have done isn't enough or appreciated...especially when they give willingly of their own free will. Deep down I know this and know it's true...but we do fall down...but, those of us that have faith know that we can get back up. *standing*

So, everyone can learn something from my own mental lapse. It is OK to have them, it happens, we are all human. It's OK to be unsure and unapologetic for it every now and then. It happens to the BEST of us. However, it's up to you to pick yourself up, brush yourself off and step forward past your trials and tribulations. Stress doesn't have to ride with you if you don't want it to. Put that bitch out on the corner and let it catch the bus. Can I get a truuuuuu??

Lovesick (A quick poem)

OK, so since this is the official blog of a published author (I did tell you guys I was a published author, didn't I?) I figure it's finally time I show why I'm called DaWriter. A little background on me and my writing. I write because it's fun. It's always been easier for me to convey the exact message I've wanted to get across using the written the word. Maybe it's because growing up I was really quiet and shy (until I got to know you) and to a certain extent, I still am. However, it's something about the written word that soothes me and calms the inner raging that sometimes goes on within the confines of my head and heart. That inner raging is not necessarily negative energy, however I am a person that is very in tune with his emotions and I need an escape, so that I don't spontaneously combust. So, give me a pad and a pen and you never know what you're bound to read. I can be humorous, serious, inspiring, arousing and any other verb that you can think of, just throw an -ing on the end of it and it's all good.

Ok, so, with this piece, it was inspired by my dear mother. Lol. Anyone that knows me personally knows that my mother, brother and I are all very close, we try to hang out with each other every now and then and anyone that has been witnessed to that will be able to let you know that we are always on 'joketime'. If you like to laugh, just listen to some of the things we say and some of the stories we share, you'll need stitches, I promise. So, this poem is from the point of view of a "lovesick ass man" that she had so much to talk about...hope you enjoy...

Lovesick

More than a trick, just a little less than a bitch,

somewhere between weak and spent

Got damn a brother’s lovesick

Nyquil can’t fix, this queasy feeling that’s mixed

A bottle of water and mashed taters

can’t keep my stomach from doing flips

Lovesick?

Maybe it’s just a bug, you know, the kind of the 24 hour variety

Please don’t let a brother be in love

Because you see, love you can’t spray

That shit just doesn’t go away

Kind of like the lingering feeling moving my bowels

with just the thought,

the hint of a possibility that she’s living foul

Living bogus, tramp, trick, take away the B and give you a W

Add an itch

Damn I’m sick

Even in pain, I’ll only border on the line of disrespect

Should toss your ass over

But I can’t stop tossing me

Cookies and milk

Who knew I was L-O-V-E intolerant

Pass me a bottle of Pepto

You know, the pink stuff

Because I’m green with envy, sort of like the way Bush looked

When he heard Obama closed Gitmo

Seriously, this is dangerous

Formerly amorous, now unrecognizable to self

Love is now cantankerous, with the lining of my stomach

I quit, I’ve had enough

Bile rising through the esophagus

Quick, hand me a bucket

Not for the tears, I’ve already said fuck it

A brother might be lovesick and shit

But I’ll be damned if I mess up this new outfit.

What Happened To The Music??

So, as I sit here getting my music on, I'm wondering, where has all of the good music gone? Don't get me wrong, in no way am I disrespecting the creativity of today's artist, however, what happened to the songs that you couldn't help but dance to, whether you were a fan of the artist or now. It seems like those songs are fewer and farther in between these days. I mean, we have our moments and some of today's music is fun, but what happened to the music of the 70's, 80's and 90's. I mean, there's very little to dance to these days. Outside of Souljah Boy and some of the younger guys coming up from down south, no one is really making dance music anymore. It's hard to do more than bop your head in the club these days. You can barely get in a good two step. JUST BLASPHEMOUS.

Now, before I continue, my mention of Souljah Boy has nothing to do with what I think of him as an artist and you can't call me a fan of his, however, like others in his genre of music (not exactly sure what to call it) I respect the fact that they are having fun with their craft. Many people put them down, call their dances silly or dumb, AS IF SOME OF THE SHIT WE USED TO DO BACK IN THE DAY WAS EXACTLY EARTH SHATTERING, when in actuality, all they are doing is having fun and enjoying what they are doing. Hell, I'm sure they are having MUCH more fun than those of us that have to get up every morning and go to work.

What I'm really wondering about is where have all of the singers gone? I mean, I'm a big fan of Donell Jones, Raheem Devaughn, Musiq, Robin Thicke and umm....well, I guess you see my point. Yeah, there's Usher, Ne-Yo and Chris Breezy...however, they are more along the lines of entertainers rather than strong vocalist. Fans of all, although Usher hasn't really kept me awake for a whole CD since 8701, but are they all we have when it comes to R&B music? What happened to the male R&B group? Hell, what happened to the female R&B group. I mean, save for Beyonce, Rhianna, Ciara and Alicia Keyes and your lukewarm response from some B and C list singers, where has the female singer gone?? No wonder people get so sick of Beyonce, no one stays around long enough for us to remember their name. Now, again, I'm not saying that there isn't good music out there...however, think back to the early/mid 90's, you had Jade, SWV, En Vogue, TLC, Salt-N-Pepa, Changing Faces, Kut Klose, Xscape, not to mention your solo stars, Janet, Whitney, Paula (like her or not now, that woman had hits), Karyn White, Jody Watley, Mariah Carey, Sade, Monica, Brandy and a bunch of others I can't even name off of the top of my head. But, we all know the music and we remember the times. It was the days when you could cut on the radio and actually go a four or five hours without hearing the same song twice, to be hones, you had to try and call in to get that request going on because they'd never even think of playing the same stuff the last DJ played. Those were the days, block parties, free concerts, dance contests...what happened to the music? Remember how your moms used to put on a song early Saturday morning and you could get up and dance to that SAME SONG for like 8 minutes straight?? Where did the music go?

Before it was all drums and synthesizers, vocalizers (thanks T-Pain for resurrecting what Teddy Riley killed) and all that other junk. You had to listen to the radio to hear that new song, no such thing as hopping online and downloading the MP3. Man, do ya'll realize that the MP3 and the internet has put the bootlegger out of business. *Pours some out for the homies that ain't got no one to sell their stolen CDs to* What happened to the days of rewinding the tape so that you could write down all of the lyrics to your favorite songs and be the first on your block to know them. I mean damn, where has all of the music gone?

The other day, my best friend called me OLD. "Every time I talk to you, you've got the oldies station playing, man I swear you're the oldest 25 year old I know." OK, that may not be a direct quote, but it's my blog and I can write what I want to. I'll have all you know, just like I told her, I'm not old, I'm just a lover of good music and you can NEVER go wrong with Ronald Isley and the Isley Brothers. *As I slip IN BETWEEN THE SHEETS and DRIFT ON A MEMORY as I take a VOYAGE TO ATLANTIS* Man, what happened to the music?

"Damn, Will You Sit Down And Relax!"

The past week was pretty amazing. We had the swearing in of our nation's First Black President, and we like it so much we swore him again the next day; we had the going away party of one of the most disliked Presidents and people in the world (that must really sucked to be so well hated by so many different people, I mean I know they say what others think shouldn't matter but damn); and I was taught something. For anyone that knows me, they know that my motor is always running (unless I'm having one of my days and then I could sleep the entire thing away), I have a habit of always wanting to take care of someone. I like for people to feel relaxed and comfortable, so I make it my business to make sure that people are relaxed and calm around me. Whatever they need to feel safe, secure and be entertained, well I'm going to provide all of that. So much so that I'll forget to sometimes enjoy myself in the process. It wouldn't be such a bad thing if this wasn't ALL the time and with EVERYTHING, I mean so extreme to the point it possibly becomes annoying. However, last weekend, the tables were turned on me and I was MADE to relax.

My leading lady once told me, "you're always doing something for someone, taking care of someone yet you never do anything for yourself nor do you let anyone do anything for you. And you're more than deserving." That may not be a direct quote, however it sounds right. And that's what I was told right before I was told to get the hell out of her kitchen and go sit my ass down somewhere. *insert side eyed look here*. Ok, so I'm not one for just letting people talk to me any ole kind of way, but she had a knife in her hand, so I let her have that one. Ok, back to what I was saying, I have a hard time relaxing...it's almost impossible for me to just sit back and chill. I don't know if it's because of my mind, which is always thinking or contemplating about something, restlessness or what have you, but sitting back and putting my feet up makes me feel, almost inadequate. Especially around women, I never want to give the impression that I'm just waiting for a woman to take care of me or wait on me hand and foot. It's only been recently that I've realized that there are women in the world that actually like doing things for men. Maybe I came up knowing the wrong type of woman...but "relaxing" is not something I've been used to.

Like many people (I refuse to believe I'm the only one) I have this mentality that I always have to prove myself. Prove that I'm not a "baby" in spite of what my age may suggest, prove that I'm not one of those stereotypical lazy black males, prove that I know how to take care of and satisfy a woman. There's always something to prove or someone to show something to, so I've never had a chance to just relax and enjoy. Thank you. I can now sit back and not feel back of relaxing and baskingggggggggggg in the joy of letting someone else do something for a change. That's not to say I'm going to turn into a lazy bum...but I'm going to allow myself to enjoy a little more. We all should...the world can be a beautiful place if we allow ourselves to stand back and take in its beauty.

My Apologies Mr. President

Dear Fmr. President Bush,

As you settle in on your ranch back in the good 'ole state of Texas, I wanted to extend to you an apology on behalf of the American People. Not once, but twice did we as a nation appoint you to an office and to a position in which you were not ready to serve. In doing so, we made a mockery of the office of POTUS and in doing so, we've set our country back in time to a place that many of us have never seen and that none of us recognize. For the past 7 years, we've allowed you to take the full blame for the deterioration of our economy, our status in the world and the dull on the shine of Madam Liberty. For too long we've held you responsible for something that ultimately was the fault of us, the people.

You see, it takes a great man to be The President of The United States, and in no way am I doubting your greatness, however, it is with deep sadness that I inform you that you were not ready. You were not ready for the daunting task of representing hundreds of millions of people on the global stage. Don't get me wrong, I understand how much pressure that is for one human being to suffer, especially if you are not THE right person for the job. We've allowed you to be the face of ridicule and scandal, we even allowed an Iraqi reporter to throw his shoes at you. No one deserves that treatment, you didn't deserve that treatment from him, you didn't deserve that treatment from us, and quite frankly, you didn't deserve our votes. But, alas, all of that is water under the bridge now. You can now sit back on your ranch in Texas, kick your feet up and eat peanuts paid for by us and that nice little Presidential Pension check you'll start receiving soon. Please accept this apology on behalf of myself and the other 290 million Americans that have caused you to endure such great pains.

God Bless.

Sincerely,

A Citizen That's Decided To STEAL Back His Country.

Getting Over The Past

"We fall down, but we get up...for a saint is just a sinner who fell down, and got up..." Donnie McClurkin

Before I start, I just want to give Pastor Donnie McClurkin a big shout out. When that song first came out, my mother used to play the thing until I was sick of it, but after giving it a listen, that became my song too. See, sometimes, it takes going through some things, some things that you have no control over, in order for you to look at life through clear eyes.

I remember once hearing someone say that the key to life is studying your past, realizing where you went wrong and never making those mistakes again. For a long time, the past was important to me, whether it was not repeating it, learning from it or what have you, however, as I've gotten older, as I've seen the world change around me, I've realized that the past is nothing but...well, the past. Too often, we as people focus on things that we have no control over. The past has nothing to offer you but memories. Sometimes those memories are good and sometimes they are bad, but that's really all we should use the past for. People always talk about the lessons that the past can teach you, however, sometimes it's necessary to try past mistakes. What may have been a mistake back then doesn't necessarily have to be a mistake now. It could mean that you weren't ready for it back then, but now if given a second try, things could work out differently. Too often people want to do the exact opposite of what was in their past rather than tweaking things and making subtle changes. Drastic changes RARELY if ever work in life, you learn more from repeated failure than you do from radical change.

Life happens in two stages. The past and the future. The present is just the timeline that divides the two. Far too often we spend more time looking behind us and worrying about what's going on back there than looking forward to see where we going. Think about it, even when you are driving, you spend more time looking in your mirrors and checking your blindspots than you do looking at the road ahead of you. Unless you are backing out, whatever you see in the rearview can't help you, it's time we as a people spend more time looking forward and reacting accordingly to life as it comes to us rather than trying to figure out what went wrong behind us. You'll be far more effective that way.

As Life Happens

Sometimes, shit happens...and there's nothing you can do about it. So, who you going to call?? - Bill Murray - Ghostbusters 2

I've been wanting to blog for the past couple of weeks now, however, I was stuck as to what I should write about. I still wasn't 100% certain as to the direction I wanted to take this blog. I'm a pretty open person, when people want to know things about me, they ask questions and I give them answers. Pretty cut and dry. However, being so open leaves me very little of myself to myself, so I've been keeping pieces of me solely to myself, just so I can have a little bit of myself to experience. I've read other blogs here and on other blog sites and some people have themed blogs or blogs that seem so calculated and exact. You can tell there was a lot of thought that put into them. Some people update daily, some weekly, others whenever the mood strikes them.

I was cleaning the tub a few minutes ago and something came to me. An idea, no, better than that, a premonition. Well, actually, it can't really be called that either...hmm, how about realization? That sounds better, I had a realization. Life isn't as calculated and exact as we'd like to think it is. No one has every detail of their life planned out down to the letter, and if they do, have them start a blog so we can all read about how they did that. I'm sure that would make for interesting reading. But, back to my "realization", often times in life, we are faced with choices that force us to make decisions that have consequences and reprecussions. You know, Newton's Third Law, say it with me class, "every action has an equal but opposite RE-action". Wow, third grade was the bomb wasn't it? I know that's a waysssssssssss back for some, but it's ok...we all tend to forget most of what we learned before puberty.

Many people do have plans and ideas for their lives, however, more often than not, we are forced to live life as it happens. It's usually the things that we haven't accounted for that end up changing our lives. I don't mean things that are unplanned or take you by surprise like a unexpected pregnancy or some type of illness, but more along the lines of maturation or change in tastes and outlooks. Let me use our President-Elect as an example. This is a person who spent 3 years at one of the most prestigious schools in the world and was ready to take the corproate world and private sector by storm. Had the bucks and plush life lined up for him. But, something in him sent him to Chicago so he could become a public servant and he is now the FIRST African American President in the history of this great country. How's that for life as it happens?

I started this blog post talking about the randomness of life. And I feel like I've come full circle. Life delivers to you choices that you must make decisions on. While it starts out random, that randomness will eventually lead you to stability, it just may not be the stability that you had originally planned for. How deep is that?? Night folks, I'll be back another time with more randomness as life happens. Peace.