The Single Black Woman In America

    One of the media's favorite subjects to tackle is why the Black woman seemingly can't find a man. Let them tell it, Black women all across America sit in their homes on Friday and Saturday nights twiddling their thumbs in hopes that they'd be one of the lucky ones to get called up for a date. The media would have you believe that the Black woman may be intelligent, may be successful, may have things going for themselves that no other group can lay claim to; however, in their quest to find a man, they are failures. The media would have you believe that it's the Black woman's fault she's single, she's the one ultimately responsible for her lack of companionship and if she doesn't change who she is and lower her standards she'll never find a man. Well, it's time that the Black woman and everyone else stop listening to the media; it's time we tell the other side of the story, ladies pull up a chair and let's really get into this, shall we?

    I know people are going to look at this and raise their eyebrows at the fact that a man is writing this, some may even stop reading (and that's their prerogative) however as a black man, I tire of seeing the Black woman thrown under the bus; too often by other black men. Standing by and continuing to allow my sisters to take the blame for something that is not entirely their fault would be criminal on my part. I won't say that Black women shouldn't take some blame and maybe do some things a little differently, but to completely place sole blame for their lack of suitable partners on them is unfair. I say suitable because just because you have a warm body doesn't mean you are relationship material or relationship ready. A relationship is more than just putting two warm bodies together, there's a certain maturity level that one has to have as well as a high level of respect for themselves and the opinions of their mate. I can guarantee that you will not always get your way or get your partner to see where you are coming from, this is where compromise comes in handy, too many adults (men and women alike) do not know how to compromise for the betterment of their relationships; which is why I believe so many of them fail. There's no entitlement when it comes to relationships (this is where I place a little bit of blame on Black women), no matter what you bring to the relationship, your success, possessions, IQ, gross income or anything else that makes you consider yourself successful; you're no more important than your partner nor are you entitled to anything more than they are..

    Now, the media and society has over 100 reasons why the Black woman is single. She's too bossy, she's too picky, she's too negative, she's too fat, etc. I'm going to break down each one of those "reasons" for the single Black woman and remind you people of a few things. Let's go!

    The Black woman is bossy for a reason. Since we've come to this great land, the Black woman has had to step up and be more than she should have to be. How many Black matriarchs have had to keep their family together with no or minimal assistance from the partner that helped bring their family into the world? Yes, I know, the Black man was stripped from his home, we were separated and we needed the Black woman to stand strong for us, take care of our babies and keep our families going. I don't know about the rest of you but I think they have done an outstanding job. When was the last time you thanked a Black woman for all that she does without being asked? She gets tired, she gets weary, she gets worn down, but rather than uplift her, the first thing we cry is, "it wasn't our fault, what did you want me to do?" How many times have you walked past a black woman that may have been having a bad day or just looked like they are worn down to the bone and tried to lift her spirits? It's amazing how far a, "How you doing sister? Keep your head up…" can go when delivered with respect and courtesy.

    I laugh anytime I hear someone say a Black woman is too picky. Should she not have standards? Should she not want someone that she finds attractive? That has the same interests as her? That respects her? Someone who's willing to not only go out of his way for her but make a fuss over every once in a while? Black women have the right to feel wanted and desired the same as anyone else, she has a right to want someone that has goals and ambition; no man wants a woman that he feels isn't good enough for him so why should the Black woman accept less just to please others? If you won't accept less, why should anyone she?

    The Black woman is too negative for your liking. How would you feel if you were the world's punching bag? Before she gets out of bed, the morning talk radio, the urban morning shows or someone close to them has probably done something to take another shot at her pride, her self-esteem or just her overall well being. It's kind of hard to keep a positive attitude when there's article after article telling you how you'll never get married, yet you are the number one single parent in the world; you'll never find love but your group is the leader in all new HIV/AIDS cases in this country. That's got to be a hell of a day ahead of you, huh? Every day the Black woman is reminded about how her life will never be that of her White, Hispanic or Asian peers, she's in a class all by herself.

    My favorite complaint about black women is how overweight they are. Let some men tell it, there's nothing worse than a fat Black woman, especially one that has "potential" to be cute. My answer to this is for people to look around. What country do we live in? The majority of AMERICANS are fat. The majority of adults and children in this country are in some way overweight, yet the Black woman gets beat down for having a few extra pounds? The Black woman is beautiful and that's at any size. She's imitated and duplicated like no other, so much so that many have gone out to purchase the curves that seemingly come so natural for her. There's no denying that other races try to make themselves look more "ethnic" to mimic the beauty that is the Black woman. Even when she's heavier, there's no stopping her shine. Oh, and last I checked, smaller women weren't keeping men at any higher a rate than heavier women.

    The plight of the Black woman is not solely her fault. A lack of eligible, relationship ready and worthy men are also to blame. Not just black men but all men. Too often men overlook the mate in which they seek because she may not be what society considers "attractive enough" or "exotic enough" however, the Black woman's beauty goes deeper than her looks. Black women are strong because they have to be, they are beat down on a daily basis and far too many black men are willing to step up and protect that from which we came. We have to be more than just our brother's keeper; our sisters need that same type of love and respect. We have to stop letting them fight this battle alone.

No This N-Word Didn’t

That was the collective thought process for a few radical right wingers today as President Barack Obama did something that none of the Presidents of the past 40 years have been able to do, move the United States a few steps closer to Universal Healthcare. With the passing of his Healthcare agenda, President Obama was able to check off the number one item on his domestic agenda, angering his dissenters and filling his supporters with pride. He campaigned on this issue and made it known that it was his priority to get Healthcare legislation through Congress and on March 23, 2010, Healthcare Reform was signed into law.

Over the past year, the country has been divided over the issue of Healthcare reform. The debate spilled out of the chambers of Congress and onto the streets and pitted Democrat v. Republican, Mother v. Daughter, Father v. Son, Husband v. Wife; from Town Hall Meetings, to demonstrations to talk radio, this has been a hot button topic that has boiled the blood of America. If nothing else, President Obama deserves credit for stirring the passions of this country once again; for years we were complacent and slept through a lot of what has us in the economic conditions that we now face, however in the short time that President Obama has been in office, almost everything he's done has sparked debate amongst the people. Whether people were for or against this legislation, they were insistent upon making sure their voices were heard, some doing so much more loudly than others. There have been arguments and debates over whether this piece of legislation is going to help us in the long run, whether or not this just sets us up for future Government run "everything" or whether or not this legislation is even constitutional.

Now that I've given you the background, allow me to interject some opinionated value into this blog. Personally, I don't mind paying higher taxes for a program that I deem worthwhile. There's a bunch of programs that get funded that I don't necessarily agree with, however I know that my tax dollars goes to fund many of those programs. This isn't a perfect bill. As long as we are all individuals, there will never be a perfect bill. However, Healthcare reform is something that's long overdue, not only is it long overdue but it's necessary. One of the biggest complaints I've heard over the course of the past years has been in regards to the costs. That was the number one objection for many Republican Congressmen and women. It was then echoed by the Republican Senate. However, let's all be honest with ourselves, this is the United States of America, we can find something to spend that money on. The money was going to get spent regardless. We are spending hundreds of billions of dollars a month on two wars that we seemingly can't get out of, yet we can't spend that money and invest it in the health of our nation? I have no qualms if you have some issues with the bill, but the lack of respect shown to not only our President, but many other elected officials, especially considering the fact that NO ONE in Washington is perfect (there are a few Republican skeletons hanging in that closet, let's not have to open those doors) is what bothers me the most. Elected officials yelling and screaming at each other, being downright childish in their antics is NOT why I go to the polls and vote. If you're going to act like children then you shall be treated like children, come November, you can do that on your own time, not on my dollar. When you are a part of the minority, you don't get to do things YOUR way; you must compromise and make sure some of your ideas are included in the grand scheme of things. If you are in charge, you don't just do things the way you want them because no one can stop you, you listen to the input of others and you govern accordingly. If there's a stalemate, well the party in power gets to go with their ideas first. Republicans, you held the House and the Senate in power for a long time. What did you do with it while you had it? Or need you be reminded of the decisions you made? This country didn't just get a deficit, we didn't just get a weakened economy and housing market and these problems that we are facing didn't just occur yesterday, last month, last year or even the year before that. I say all of that to say this; like it or not, Barack Obama is the President of the United States. Like his policies or not, that's your prerogative, however, don't be upset just because he is doing his job and show some respect when disagreeing with that man…you may not like him, but you need to respect him, and the office.

Glass Houses, Stone Furniture

I told myself that I wasn’t going to touch the Tiger Woods issue. To be honest, it’s not an issue to me. Tiger Woods is a great golfer, the best at what he does. From what I’ve observed, he seems like a cool dude, not the best “player” in the world, but the game has been known to swallow a shark or two, so why were we expecting anything more from a Tiger? This thread isn’t about Tiger’s infidelities, personally, that’s between him and his wife. I’m not going to condemn the man because he got caught doing what too many men AND women are out here doing; to me, that’s out of bounds. What actually intrigues me the most about this entire fiasco (and yes it has become a fiasco) is the fact that so many people that have no type of relationship or association to Tiger Woods feels as if he owes them some type of apology; some type of statement. In the words of my man Jay-Z, “I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA PEOPLE??”

Anytime a celebrity or public figure makes a mistake, people turn into vultures and look to pick the story apart until there’s nothing left. Aside from elected officials (and sometimes even they deserve some privacy) these celebrities don’t ask to be idolized. It is us that lose focus of the fact that they are human, we place them on these pedestals and hold them to impossible standards; yet we’re disappointed when they prove that they were undeserving of such lofty expectations? I mean, some people would find fault with Jesus, so why are we surprised when MAN falls short of our expectations? Athletes mess up, actors and entertainers mess up, our parents mess up, our spouses and significant others mess up, our children mess up, our politicians, bosses, colleagues and friends all mess up; it’s human for us to fall short sometimes. Too often we’re worried about the screw up rather than the lesson learned from the screw up, which in the end is more important. It’s not about how many times you fall; it’s about how you get back up.

Tiger Woods doesn’t owe us an explanation. He didn’t cheat on us, he owes us nothing but to return to get himself healthy and become a better citizen, friend and neighbor. That’s all you can ask of a person and until their actions start affecting you directly, simmer down and remember that they are only human; same as you.

Spread My Wings

Who remembers the group, Troop?? "Spread my wings/and fly away/to a place that I've longed for..." If you don't remember them, go ahead and google those lyrics and take a listen. I was sitting here contemplating a few things, no let me scratch that, it wasn't that serious. I don't want any of you to think that all I do is sit around at my desk in the thinking pose waiting for my brain to come up with another way to take over the world. I only do that on Tuesdays. But, back to what I was saying, I was sitting here observing some things when that song came on Yahoo! Radio. I hadn't heard that song in a while but I thought the timing was perfect. We're coming up on the end of the year and we're at the point in the year where people are racking their brains trying to come up with good last minute Christmas gifts; for those that have already completed their shopping, they are at now trying to figure out what is the new year's resolution that they are going to make while lying to themselves about how they're REALLY going to keep it this year. Ok, that wasn't fair, there are some of you that do keep their resolutions...probably none of the people that follow this blog, but they are out there, I'm sure of it. *crickets*


I've never understood resolutions and so I refuse to make them. A resolution to me is nothing more than an empty promise, it's something that most people don't take seriously so it's not going to last. I learned this back in the 8th grade. The teacher went around the room and asked each one of us to make a resolution for the new year. Most of the stuff I heard at the time was bogus. I mean, we were all 13 and 14 at the time, what big change could we possibly need to make at that point in our lives? Also, why wait until the New Year to make a resolution? Shouldn't we want to improve our lives daily? Become better people and a more contributing citizen to this Earth? Why wait until the calender changes to change ourselves?

"...And my heart will be/the pathway/I'm searching for love/that's ever more..."


With the new year should come new goals, new ways to improve yourself and new accomplishments. That song should be your guide. There are so many possibilities for you, so many different paths your life could take...there's no need to wait for the New Year to spread your wings. Sometimes I think we forget (I know I have this problem) how much we can accomplish. We're only human, we're only one person, one voice, one soul, but if you look back at your history...all it takes is one. One is the beginning, the start and it's that way for a reason. There's nothing in this world that we can't accomplish, but in order to do so, it has to start out with one person, one thought, one desire, one want. All it takes is that one to spread his wings and fly to wherever it is his heart may lead him. So, for today, next week, 2010 and beyond...remember that...be that one.


P.S. - This is as much of an open letter to myself that I felt could be shared with any and everyone who decides to read this blog. A lot of the times I share things, they are personal and I've either gone through them or are going through them. I don't want anyone to think or get the idea that I'm preaching empty philosophies...I don't sell pipe dreams...everything I write, I believe in...

Are You A Winter Bedwarmer???

So, I haven’t been the most dedicated blogger. I’m going to apologize for that however, it’s not that I’ve fallen off of the cyberspace map, I just have a tendency to spend my internet leisure time with my cohorts over on Twitter. If you haven’t been captured by the Twitter/Tweeting craze, feel free to come and join us to see what the fuss is all about. www.twitter.com/dawriter is where you’ll be able to find me and all of the interesting people that I follow. For some, Twitter is deemed as a waste of time, however I would advise to exercise caution on taking someone else’s word for it. Like so many other things in life, Twitter will give you back what you put into it. I’ve made a few business contacts and have garnered much more interest in my blogs and writing just by updating my daily Twitter thoughts. The world is full of people that love to hear what you have to say, that’s if you’re saying anything worth listening to. But, enough of the free advertising for Twitter.com, I’m sure they don’t need it but if a few of you decide to take my advice and drop by, make sure you give me a shout when you get there.

I want to get to the reason for this blog; I’ve been mulling it over for about a week now and since I have the time, I figured I needed to share some very important information with you guys. As you all know, winter is coming. The days are getting shorter, the nights are getting colder and, save for the occasional sunny afternoon, people are spending less and less time outdoors. That can only mean one thing: The Find Yourself a Winter Boo Fest has begun! Now, don’t look at your screen as if you have no idea what I’m talking about. I’m not the only one that notices when October rolls around the population of single men and women tend to diminish. It’s the exact opposite of the March and April Spring Cleanings that take place. I’m sure at least 3 or 4 of you that may be reading this have fallen victim to the, “I’m just not sure where this relationship is going. I think I’m going to need a few months to sort this out. It’s not you though, it’s me.” How many of you have heard that speech a time or two? It never fails, three or four weeks after Valentine’s Day, here come the sad faces and puppy dog eyes, suddenly what was once a thriving relationship is now filled with uncertainty and doubt. Well, the Winter Boo Fest is the exact opposite of that. Instead of people breaking up, you’ll find that everyone is suddenly “coupled” up, boo lovin’, bunning or whatever else it’s called in your particular geographical region. It drives me effin crazy!

I apologize for my animated outburst, however I’m highly offended by the sudden interest and you should be too. I mean, let’s be serious here, we’re all adults right (if we’re not, please click on that X at the top of your screen and go do some homework or something…little bad ass kids). So, like I was saying, we’re all adults here, so I’ll be frank, why the sudden interest? I’ve been the same cool, fun loving guy all year. I didn’t just get a personality transplant. So why am I suddenly, “so cute and attractive” when October rolls around? What’s wrong, weather getting cold and the big guy looks like he gives good hugs? Or is it the holidays are coming and you want Santa to make a few deliveries? In the words of Chad Ochocinco of the Cincinnati Bengal’s, “CHILE PLEASE!!”

I share this information with you good people so that you will not fall victim to the okeydoke. If someone is “suddenly” interested in you, I’d be very weary of that and make sure to do thorough investigating. Find out their dating history, if their relationships tend to only last 6-8 months and they always begin in September and October: RUN LIKE HELL!! Oh, and be careful, there are some tricksters out there that will start showing you interest in August; even though summer is still in full swing, they know that the winter is coming so they’re getting a head start. For those of you who just started your relationships within the last 6-8 weeks, I’m going to pray for you. There’s not really much you can do now because you don’t want to tip your hand that you’re on to their possible shenanigans; so, just be careful and insist that it’s too soon to spend the holidays with each other. You don’t want to meet the family for the first time during the holidays; it’s never pretty and never ends well.

I’m going to close this blog with a few words of wisdom. If they can’t love you in the summer time then they don’t deserve to love you in the winter time. You’re NOBODY’S bed warmer.

Redrawing The Blueprint

No one will ever forget September 11, 2001; a modern day that will forever live in infamy. Lost in the madness of that day was the launching of a brand, a staple in Hip-Hop that upon first listen caused us to brush it off of our shoulders. I can’t say that I blame anyone. There were bigger things in the forefront of our minds at the time; the latest in Hip-Hop wasn’t really something that any of us wanted to deal with. However, upon further review, after the smoke cleared and life returned to some semblance of normalcy, we witnessed the birth of a brand. With the release of The Blueprint, Jay-Z ushered in a new era in rap and reinvented himself in the minds of listeners everywhere. With the highly anticipated release of The Blueprint 3, the conclusion to the trilogy that began 8 years prior hopes to redirect the direction of Hip-Hop once again. Let’s allow him to reintroduce himself.

The only person that’s probably received as much criticism as President Obama, if not more, is Jay-Z. As of late, he’s become the artist that everyone loves to hate. Whether it’s other rappers, magazines, websites or internet bloggers, there hasn’t been much love in the city for Hov as of late. His choice of wardrobe, choice of haircut (come on Jay, for real the baby fro was not a good look), choice of footwear and even his choice of album names has caused massive amounts of debate over the past few months. So it was with great anticipation and high expectation that the public awaited the release of his latest offering. After coming out of retirement and releasing Kingdom Come and American Gangster to a lukewarm reception, many across the world hoped that The Blueprint 3 was going to be the return of the Hov that everyone remembers. If this is what you’re hoping for, Jay has news for you:

“Hov on to that new shit/niggas like how come?/Niggas want my old shit?/Buy my old albums.

Niggas stuck on stupid/I gotta keep it moving/Niggas make the same shit/Me, I make the blueprint.”

~On To The Next One, The Blueprint 3

One of the major criticisms from rappers and rap fans/foes has been the fact that Jay has become “inconsistent”. “He doesn’t rap like he used to, he’s not as good as he used to be. He needs to stay retired, he doesn’t have it anymore.” The preceding opinions have caused people to question his motivation and reasons for releasing music. He’s been asked to just be an executive, pass the torch on to someone else, put the mic down and fade to black.

When the full album leaked more than a week before it was supposed to be released (causing Jay-Z to move his release date up from September 11 to September 8) it sent the internet into a frenzy. Opinions were posted from Twitter to Facebook to personal blog sites. Everyone wanted to be the first to give their opinion on the new CD, many whom I believe did so without giving a thorough listen to the material. The Blueprint 3 has been called everything from “his worst CD ever” to “Kingdom Come 2” to “a weed plate”. One well respected Hip-Hop website even went so far as to give it a 6.5; they later retracted the original score and said it was supposed to be a 7.5, but the damage had been done. I can’t recall any Jay-Z release being judged so harshly before its official retail release. Granted, Jay-Z has been the face of Hip-Hop music for arguably the past decade, so the bar is set rather high (as it should be); but to call The Blueprint 3 a weed plate? Do you just listen to music or are you just skimming through it?

Is The Blueprint 3 a classic like the original? No, not even the biggest Jay-Z fan can honestly say that about this record, however, it’s far from deserving of the harsh criticisms it has received thus far. First thing first, we need not judge this body of work against any other body of work. The Blueprint 3 is a CD that should and does stand on its own and should be recognized for its own merits. The CD is not a re-drawing of the original blueprints, rather a completely new design of what the future is to bring. We’re at that point in Hip-Hop music where things have become stale again. While this year has been an unusually bright year for Hip-Hop, one of the best in the past 5 years, it’s very hard to differentiate from one song/artist to the next. We’ve allowed the industry to shape music and strip it of its identity. The Blueprint 3 is the plans to get back to what Hip-Hop is supposed to be. It’s about getting back to making the album that you want to make instead of the album you think you should make because of what the industry has determined to be hot.

Jay-Z made The Blueprint 3 because he could. He’s at the point in his career where he can make the CD that he wants to make when he wants to make it and release it on a major label or on his own. He’s at the point in his career where his artistic freedom belongs to no one but himself and he’s only bound by the limitations of his own mind. The Blueprint 3 will go over the head of anyone that’s looking for the old Jay-Z. He’s not that man anymore. While he’s still capable of releasing solid rap albums, he is now a husband, businessman and trendsetter. He’s no longer out to run rap, he’s been there and done that. His music is now a tool for others to use to build themselves up. Of course the wordplay will cause you to rewind and ask yourself, “Did he really just say what I think he said?” That’s the Jay-Z standard, but as the chorus goes on the second single, “Run This Town”:

“Life’s a game but it’s not fair. I break the rules so I don’t care. So I keep doing my own thing, walking tall against the rain. Victory’s within the mile, almost there don’t give up now. Only thing that’s on my mind, is who’s gon’ run this town tonight?

~Run This Town, The Blueprint 3

They say lightening never strikes the same spot twice, so to think that you can go back to the same well three times would be preposterous; unless your name was Jay-Z. Very rarely do trilogies end as good as begin, while this offering isn’t history making as was the classic released in 2001, it is a modern day gem that should be respected for what it is and not what the Hip-Hop community wants it to be.

Is The Dream Over??

For the past nine months we have watched President Obama become the hardest working man in this country. In my lifetime I can’t ever remember a president that hit the ground running as fast as our current president. Between overhauling Healthcare, nominating a Supreme Court Justice, new legislation, the unstable economy and pressure, not only from constituents, but members of Congress as well to fix these things (now all while facing right wing opposition), it’s a wonder he hasn’t sprouted more gray hair. There was a rallying cry during the election process last year that caused more Americans to get involved in politics, some participating for the first time. Now, here I sit less than one year later and wonder if the thrill is gone? Has the euphoria worn off? Is it back to indifference and idleness? Has the dream we were living for the few months following the election turned into our current beautiful nightmare?

The Summer of ’09 will probably be one to forget for President Obama. Not only did the heat of June, July and August cause him to break a sweat on more than few occasions, it also brought him diminishing approval ratings, a wave of doubt from his supporters and an unforgettable fashion no-no at this year’s Major League Baseball All-Star game. There wasn’t much that escaped criticism this summer for the President. Some questioned whether he was overexposing himself and doing too many primetime press conferences. Some questioned if we weren’t seeing enough of the President when it came to his hopes for Healthcare reform. There were some that felt he was taking on too much too soon. It’s only the first year of his term in office; not everything has to be tackled at once. And there were even some that questioned his choice of attire to throw out the first pitch at a baseball game. “The President should not be seen wearing his ‘around the house jeans’ outside of the house,” they said. When he announced that he was going to run for President, I’m sure he knew they would attack all of the projects he tried to take on, they would criticize any reform that he tried to push, they’d challenge every nomination and decision that he made; however, to attack a man’s favorite pair of jeans? That’s a low blow, even for Republicans.

What has surprised me is that the only voice being heard this past summer was that of the President Obama critics. What happened to his support group? The millions of people that fought for his nomination, sweat during his general campaign and then cried on Nov. 4^th when he was elected by an overwhelming Electoral vote? Did we think the job was done? Did we think it was time to relax? Did we think that once he got into office it would be smooth sailing from here until 2012? What I want to know is what happened? It’s evident that getting President Obama into office was the easy part. It didn’t take much for us to get him to where we wanted him to be. But he needs our help now more than ever. It wasn’t Congress that put him in the Oval office, it was the 60-plus million Americans that believed in Change and held on to Hope. Well, Change doesn’t come without work. We can’t rely on Congress to help push the President’s agenda; we have to push the agenda. Most Congressmen have started looking ahead to the 2010 elections. They are looking to save their jobs. It’s why nothing ever gets done in Washington. They know that voters are paying attention so rather than doing their job, they’re trying to keep their jobs. I don’t blame them, it’s a pretty plush gig when you think about it. Besides, with the way the unemployment rate is climbing, there aren’t too many companies around that have any use for an out of work Congressman.

We had the audacity to have Hope and we were rewarded with a president that is willing to work for us. Whether you agree with everything he’s doing is irrelevant. As Americans, it is our responsibility to make sure that there’s more than one voice. It’s our duty to stand for the principles that we hold dear to us. It’s our job to support those that we’ve elected to represent us. What goes on in an election year is important, however it’s what happens in the off years that will determine if our dreams turn into the Nightmare on Pennsylvania Avenue.